Bathtime (chat with cat)
CAT: “Why are you sitting in that big ocean thing?”
ME: “It’s not an ocean it’s a bathtub”
CAT: “You look weird without fur”
ME: “You mean clothes?”
CAT: “I know what I mean, why aren’t you getting me food?
ME: “You don’t need food, you are fat”
CAT: “I am not fat! I am big boned! Besides that’s the teapot calling the saucepan brown”.
ME: “What?”
CAT: “It’s a cat saying”
ME: “What ever fur face”
CAT: “So why are you in the ocean thing again?”
ME: “BATHTUB”
CAT: “Whatever”
ME: “My butt and my toe hurts”
CAT: “Maybe you should stop sticking your toe up your butt?”
ME: “I AM NOT sticking my toe up my butt! They are two separate conditions!” /mumble besides I am not flexible enough.
CAT: “It is that Brad bloke? You are always talking about his butt”
ME: “Lies! We are just mates.”
CAT: “So why is your butt sore?”
ME: “*sigh* It’s a medical condition.”
CAT: “Why don’t you just lick it it works for me.”
ME: “Yes and I WISH you would stop licking my face after.”
CAT: “Stoopid humans, where is my food?”